Old men and throwing up are my life now.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
