I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize