How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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