i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
