Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize