Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
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