ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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