I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
