i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
