she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize