You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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