is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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