recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
