its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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