I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize