when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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