I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
