sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
you inspire me to be a worse person
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
