everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
