you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
