Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
