If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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