If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
