John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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