It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
