I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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