Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
