Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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