If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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