Sry I called you an 8
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize