Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
