Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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