It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Randomize
