I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
