someone threw a dead crab at me
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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