At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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