wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize