I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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