His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
