so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
