Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
