My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
