How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
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