Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
