i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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