I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
