you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I think I sprained my soul last night
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
