just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
