hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
it was like eating out sand paper
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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