I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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