I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
