i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
