Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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