I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
