i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize