1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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