Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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