All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
