What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
