Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
