he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
