He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
