And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
