my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
