So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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