Please, let me fuck your mom
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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