oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
4 words: hood of his car
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
