Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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