We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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