I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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