Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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