I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
