I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
do herpes really smell.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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