Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
