wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
