she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
