I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
