I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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