I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
