im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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