I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Randomize
